Thursday, September 15, 2005

Live Your Legend

Mama Gena, in her newsletter which i subscribe to, reminds us all sister goddesses to "Live Your Legend", to keep choosing pleasure and desire and fun over anything less.

timely reminder for me; my glow seems to have diminished somewhat lately... and i noticed it early this morning, while i was in the car waiting for the kids to join me so i could bring them to school on time.

just before i got into the car, i checked the breakfast the maid had prepared-- eggs and spanish sardines. inwardly, i thought i would have preferred the sweet-spicy fried sardines she prepared the other day. i started taking out the can of fried sardines i wanted from the cupboard, but then decided against it, thinking that it would be a waste of resources having another set of sardines when one is already available, although one i am not particularly in the mood for so early in the morning... : (

i thought i was being Ms. Logical and Ms. Efficient and Ms. Thrifty, but why did i suddenly feel a little bit more deflated, a little bit smaller?

i was in the car already when the thought came to me-- what's a little extra cost for the sake of your pleasure and fun and enjoyment, Goddess? where is the Goddess spark and chutzpah? will you allow your self to be limited now by the extra cost of another can of sardines, the kind that makes you start your day with a smile and a little more perk?

and then, later this morning, i opened my email to find Mama Gena's reminder. : ) another serendipitous thing!

i must go back to living my legend again; i owe it to me! : )

Tuesday, September 06, 2005


yesterday, despite the very tight budget, but with hope now that my aunt would approve my request for an advanced payment of my consultancy fee for this month, i went ahead with a long-scheduled spa massage date with three of my colleagues in the university who have become dear friends.

im glad i did. im glad i have learned not to let very limited financial circumstances limit my joy and pleasures, too.

for an hour and a half or two yesterday, lying naked on a firm, comfortable massage bed covered only by a thin white blanket and being gently yet expertly touched and kneaded by a professional lady masseuse who exerted just the right kind of pressure to ease out the tensions in the right places, i gave in to the sheer pleasure of being touched in a full and sensual way.

from head to toe, i just relaxed into not letting anything else bother me but savoring all the tactile deliciousness of the sensations of touch and warmth and pressure in rhythmic waves, amidst a darkened room with soft, muted lights, and comforting meditation music.

at one time, i even thought to my self, hmmm.. this is better than sex even! i could do without sex as long as i have these massages regularly! :) : ) :)


yes.... it's been quite a while.

one night just recently, i found my self so hungry i actually wept when i saw romantic pictures of loving couples in the initial phases of making love! that was the first time i wept from such hunger...

it wasn't just a physical kind, but almost like a soul-kind of hunger, from my deepest, darkest self...

the abstinence hasn't been by circumstance, either, but by choice, as i'm holding out for more lasting joys that are finer and deeper and higher now... not just the temporary passing pleasures of the physical kind.


i am glad i allowed my self to go ahead with yesterday's special treat. this little "problem" is solved now too, as i think i have re-discovered a way around it now. : ) a regular spa massage!!!


God is good. life is good.