yesterday, despite the very tight budget, but with hope now that my aunt would approve my request for an advanced payment of my consultancy fee for this month, i went ahead with a long-scheduled spa massage date with three of my colleagues in the university who have become dear friends.
im glad i did. im glad i have learned not to let very limited financial circumstances limit my joy and pleasures, too.
for an hour and a half or two yesterday, lying naked on a firm, comfortable massage bed covered only by a thin white blanket and being gently yet expertly touched and kneaded by a professional lady masseuse who exerted just the right kind of pressure to ease out the tensions in the right places, i gave in to the sheer pleasure of being touched in a full and sensual way.
from head to toe, i just relaxed into not letting anything else bother me but savoring all the tactile deliciousness of the sensations of touch and warmth and pressure in rhythmic waves, amidst a darkened room with soft, muted lights, and comforting meditation music.
at one time, i even thought to my self, hmmm.. this is better than sex even! i could do without sex as long as i have these massages regularly! :) : ) :)
yes.... it's been quite a while.
one night just recently, i found my self so hungry i actually wept when i saw romantic pictures of loving couples in the initial phases of making love! that was the first time i wept from such hunger...
it wasn't just a physical kind, but almost like a soul-kind of hunger, from my deepest, darkest self...
the abstinence hasn't been by circumstance, either, but by choice, as i'm holding out for more lasting joys that are finer and deeper and higher now... not just the temporary passing pleasures of the physical kind.
i am glad i allowed my self to go ahead with yesterday's special treat. this little "problem" is solved now too, as i think i have re-discovered a way around it now. : ) a regular spa massage!!!
God is good. life is good.