Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Open Relationships

his hurting bothers me, especially since i understand almost perfectly where it's coming from. if the tables were turned, i'd be the same. im as passionately jealous as he is. : ) and i love it that way.

still, i wondered how other people dealt with this stuff. im not exactly an expert in long-term good and loving relationships and i just wondered how other people successfully managed this. so i google-searched for "jealousy" and the first article i came to was on jealousy in open relationships.

i've always understood open relationships to be those kinds of relationships where there is no commitment to a future together, but in this article, it was defined as a relationship with a commitment to at least take each other seriously and even build a future together, but with an openness to non-monogamous sexual relationships! : O

i've always prided my self in being very open and liberal-minded (although still very oldfashioned in values), especially when it comes to how other people live their lives, but i have to admit, this one article actually shocked me, even offended my basic sensibilities!

i guess it works for other people, but i don't think it will ever work for me. i love too much when i love, and it's an all or nothing kind. i am not good at sharing and distributing, when it comes to romantic love...

or maybe i am just too out-of-touch idealistic, still stuck in visions of knights and fair maidens who inspire even as they distress... : )

the article talked about it logically, presenting open relationships as a whole new, more loving way of living, based on abundance of love and not the scarcity of it. it likened it to having a new baby, more people to love, more love to go around with.

intellectually, i could agree to the proposition, but heartfully and soul-fully the very idea violates my very being.

maybe im selfish, maybe im greedy, but i want my man to know me intimately and i, to know him as intimately, in a way that nobody else knows, because that is the kind of beautiful and magical world that we create and try to nurture.

my man is not a baby, although i like to baby him, and i am not a baby either, although i like it when he babies me, so i don't buy that BS about the new baby analogy! having my man have a sexual relationship with another woman at the same time he has an emotional and sexual relationship with me, with my full knowledge and tacit agreement, would be tantamount to my agreeing to sharing my bed and my house with her (and all her lovers, too, past and present)!!! : O i just don't think i can be intimately loving with that many people, all at the same time! : O

i don't know how they do it, live and let live i guess, but im happier with the kind of life im crafting now.
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