Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Security

some part of me wonders if i should be worried that i am not worried. imagine that now.

haven't heard from M since last Saturday, and that's because he's off travelling, to make money for the bank he's now connected with, and of course for him self, for our dreams and goals... : )

i miss him terribly, of course. i look at his flight schedules at his account in AA.com (he gave me access to them early on, so at least i wouldn't worry too much with all sorts of wild imaginings), and i feel sorry for all the catch-up sleeping he must do at airports and in airplanes, with his after midnight to dawn flights, and his business meetings the rest of the day.

travelling around the globe used to sound so exotic and fun to me, but seeing it up close now, i am having second thoughts. : (

what is strange for me, though, is that, unlike with other loves before, i am not panicking in my missing him, when i used to really go down to the depths when i don't hear from a love for a few hours.

i miss him and yet when i think of him, i am filled with a delicious, warm, secure, happy feeling that all is right with the world, with our world particularly, especially since i know that he is working hard for our dreams. ive never had anyone invest in his life for me, for us, that way before, like i am some sort of a goddess (well.... i believe i am... heehee... but i never thought anyone else would believe as i believe!!!), and he going off to battle in the quest to lay his trophies at my feet .... : ) : ) : )

he is in my thoughts the whole day, and i talk to him secretly that way. yet, contemplating him, i am not filled with a sense of emptiness from his not being by my side yet; in fact, contemplating him, i am just so happily filled with him!

what a strange, strange experience, indeed.

so, this is what Trust is like, huh...

strange, strange, strange, new feeling.

i still can't get over it.
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