rush

a strange, strange thing happened just a while ago.

the car is down at the mechanic's shop again, so i had to commute by jeepney, from school to the phone office to pay my bill. i got down at the corner stop and walked to the phone office. as i was climbing up the steps of the phone office, this attractive young-looking guy called out to me from his car, calling me ma'am and waving, and my instinctive reaction was to smile and wave back, as former students usually do that when they see me even outside school.

then, as i was going into the phone office, the lady behind me seemed to reply back to the guy, so i thought sheepishly that i was mistaken, waving back to somebody waving to somebody behind me. : )

anyway, i went straight to the cashier to pay my bill. imagine my surprise when somebody said, "hi, rushing to beat the deadline huh?" and i turned to see the same guy that waved from his car earlier!

i was flustered and all i could do was say, "yes" back, even as i tried to place him and recall if i knew him. in the few seconds that i was taking out my bill and my money to pay the cashier, he was asking me where id be next, and i was shyly mumbling, "ooh, just paying bills", while i decided that i definitely did not know this guy! he was persistent but in a friendly way, saying he was paying bills too and maybe he could take me to where i was going?

oh god. one part of me felt flattered realizing that this young attractive guy was actually trying to pick me up, literally and figuratively! another part of me was thinking of those news reports about women being picked up by strange guys in their cars and not being heard of by family and friends afterwards.

i was gently trying to turn him down; i didn't know what i was saying, but he was insistent, saying he's seen me before in school and have always wondered what i did there, what did i do there? i asked questions back, how come you're in our school? he mumbled something about having a friend there who taught in the high school and also going to the gym.

anyway, after i paid my bill, i dawdled awhile and went to another counter, as if to fix my things, but actually turning my back to him, trying to make sense of what was happening. he dawdles around me too, and after a few moments, said, "so, i'll just go ahead? you sure you don't want a ride?" and i said, "yes, sure, please, go ahead." and gave him a wide smile, so he won't feel so rejected (oooh im a softie about unintentionally hurting people! even strangers!)

so he started walking as if to go ahead but he turned back just as i was zipping up my leathercase and he caught my eye. i smiled sheepishly and he waited for me then, and asked again to take me to the electric company, which was just a block away. it didnt seem to make sense now to back out, so i asked him his name as we walked to his car.

"B... B. M.", he gave me his full name. i smiled inwardly at the irony. he even has the ex's nick and initials!

anyway, once in his car, i made sure to check the door locks and the door lock buttons in the few brief moments while he walked around to his side to climb up the driver's seat too.

as he started driving, i don't know how it came out of me (maybe my training as researcher and interviewer), so i started asking how he was related to some people i knew who had his surname, and it turned out that they were his cousins! i heaved a sigh of more relief after that, although i still wondered at the suddeness and persistence of his actions. so, we made small talk. well, he talked, i asked and listened. : )

it was a good thing that the electric company had closed, that gave me a chance to ask him to just drop me off at the appliance store instead (whose parking area was full). i could tell he wanted to stay on as his eyes were searching for a parking spot, but it was full traffic, and his car was getting in the way of the long line of cars. so i got off and went straight into the appliance store.

:)

i marvel at the rush i felt at the experience, though. the strangeness of it all, the attractiveness of this guy, the quick comfortable talk.

on the way home riding another jeepney, i still felt breathless at the headiness of it all. no, not really sexually, but more like just... alive kind of breathless, when things happen so fast and you have to make quick assessments and decisions and just go by your gut. that kind of rush.

: )

the last time i had a similar experience was way back in 2000, when i was driving around 8 months pregnant, and this strange young guy in a motorcycle drove alongside me and i stopped, thinking he was a former student, and he stopped too, saying he was a former student of our school but never my student, and that he just wanted to say "i love you" (!). i was so surprised and a bit scared by the suddenness of it all that i sped off thinking, "lunatic!", and he strode his motorcycle too and followed me all the while shouting "I love youuuu!!!"

: S

ooh, the strange, strange things i get into, without my even meaning to!

: O

Headmistress

while watching The Nanny last night, there was a part where Mr. Scheffield, the boss and father of the children, and Ms. Fines, the nanny, went to Gracie's, the youngest child, school for a PTA meeting. the headmistress, upon seeing Mr. Scheffield, went out of her way to welcome him. Ms. Fines butted in, and the headmistress looked at her condescendingly and asked who she was. Mr. Scheffield introduced her as the nanny, while he introduced the headmistress to Ms. Fines as the headmistress.

"headmistress, huh?", Ms. Fines's eyes widened incredulously. then she added, "wow, with your kind of experience, you should know by now that married men never really leave their wives, no matter how much they say they will!"

that should have been funny; it got the audience rolling.

but somehow, it just made me sad.

My Orchid Moods

sweet, innocent , grace personified

in full power

getting interested... hmmmmm......

aroused... flushed.... feverish...

engorged ... enraptured

relaxing in sweet sensations

the first vagina workshop

we had our first cast meeting and script reading this morning. we were given the chance to choose our roles; i chose Woman 4, mainly because she had long monologues (if im going to invest my time and energies here, might as well be for a role where i get to speak longer...), and i was comfortable with her monologue (speaking about discovering her vagina from a handheld mirror and what it did to her). : ) i discovered and have continuously watched mine in fascination since i was 17 years old!

anyway, we were asked to prepare for three more parts, too, our answers to--

1. how does your vagina smell like?
2. how does your moan sound like? (prepare to act/sound out a sample)
3. if it could wear something, what would your vagina wear?

there was a prepared script for the answers too, but our stage director encouraged us to come up with our own answers.

not a problem for me; ive answered those questions for my self long, long ago--

1. smells like an orchid, feels like an orchid, looks like an orchid
2. kittenish
3. a tiara of diamonds, and nothing else, resplendent in its barenaked glory!

the show will be on International Women's Day, March 11, 7:30 p.m., at the Garden Royale.

welcome to women's intimate and soul-renewing world!

The Vagina Monologues, A Year After

around this time last year, i wrote about watching the play here and my commentaries on it.

this year, on march 11, international women's day, at 7:30 p.m. to be exact, i will be part of the cast when it shows again at the Garden Royale this time.

a friend who's a theatre director and producer texted me last week to ask me if i can join. script unseen, role unknown, i enthusiastically said, "Yes!"

i was excited at this new adventure, to explore new(or long-forgotten) parts of me and see how i do in dinner theatre this time. still, it didnt seem real as i didnt hear from my friend again.

today, though, i got my part of the script. i still don't know my role but im supposed to familiarize my self with the script i have as of now, so that it will be easier when i am assigned my role.

there are 4 women's roles in this script; i wonder which one they'd assign to me. it would be interesting to see how other people think of me as a woman, how they feel id fit in some role...

: )

will keep you posted as this new adventure develops.

J, again

we haven't been together much lately, because of my busy-ness with all my long-overdue and new projects... yet, we still stay connected mainly because J finds a way to fit "us" in comfortably when i can't.

this is a strange new experience for me, for a man not to be jealous of my life, for him to give me my space and time to be and grow and do as i please and as i must, and not to resent it nor be sulkily jealous of it.

oooh, how J doesn't know the beauty and preciousness of what he does for me!

i was driving home absentmindedly this morning, because that's what i reflected on, how strange it was now to not feel anxious nor guilty because i wasn't giving my man the priority time i want to give him for now... how strange it was to know that the axe will not fall somewhere sometime soon, and to know instead that when i go back to J with my full time and attention, he will still be there, still loving me and celebrating me without resentment nor drama.

oh, how freeing, how relaxing, how comforting it is to be loved this way at last!

it only makes me love J even more now.