Wednesday, March 01, 2006

J, again

we haven't been together much lately, because of my busy-ness with all my long-overdue and new projects... yet, we still stay connected mainly because J finds a way to fit "us" in comfortably when i can't.

this is a strange new experience for me, for a man not to be jealous of my life, for him to give me my space and time to be and grow and do as i please and as i must, and not to resent it nor be sulkily jealous of it.

oooh, how J doesn't know the beauty and preciousness of what he does for me!

i was driving home absentmindedly this morning, because that's what i reflected on, how strange it was now to not feel anxious nor guilty because i wasn't giving my man the priority time i want to give him for now... how strange it was to know that the axe will not fall somewhere sometime soon, and to know instead that when i go back to J with my full time and attention, he will still be there, still loving me and celebrating me without resentment nor drama.

oh, how freeing, how relaxing, how comforting it is to be loved this way at last!

it only makes me love J even more now.
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