9

nine times. i have made love to him for 9 times, already, without his knowing it!

this is the first relationship i have ever been where the sexual undercurrent is not at the forefront; no overt sexual flirting and innuendos at all in our conversations, well a shy joke once or twice, but that's about it.

i can even begin to understand that line from that impossible song now, "to love, pure and chaste from afar..." : S

so yes, that's why this-- he, us, what we have-- is sooo precious.

but what to do with my growing and raging passions, aside from my already very sensual and sexual nature???

so on some days after really intense conversations and even heated debates about what we really want for our selves and for the future, about his work and my work, etc.... and when im feeling like he might be having too much of me already, i step back, keep quiet, give him time to “digest” me, and maybe miss me more... but keep my self "merged" to him in some way by doing this .... this "red" magic pleasuring.

heehee. : )

i have read somewhere long ago that this keeps you both united, beyond body, beyond words, where it really counts, despite the distance that temporarily keeps you apart. shhhhh.... : )

it keeps me sane, too, from this terrible terrible missing of him, and longing for him, and of loving him so!!!

i hope the 10th will be for real, though.

i am smoking so, i think i might actually die of spontaneous combustion!!!

sigh.